What Hotels Need

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Compared with airlines, hotels are endless fonts of innovation. In recent months, I’ve come across pillow menus and chocolate concierges. There are chains spraying “signature” fragrances in their lobbies, and hotels with spas that will slather your body with everything from designer mud to organic pineapple juice.

The idea, one hotel marketing whiz told me, is to keep guests “thrilled and excited.” So the old-fashioned mint on the pillow has morphed into a pair of exotic truffles handcrafted by the pastry chef with cocoa beans she personally harvested in some remote tropical forest. The little bottles of shampoo and conditioner in the bathroom have evolved into toiletry collections from chichi shops on the Rue de la Yada Yada. And a hotel bed is never a just a bed anymore: It’s always some fancifully named “sleep system” that happens to be for sale in the hotel gift catalog.

But in their rush to up-scale, up-market, up-size, and generally spiff up, hotels continue to ignore the basic amenities and services that business travelers like you and I desperately need and desire. A cup of coffee and a place to hang my garment bag? Those things I apparently can’t have.

In fact, I have a little wish list I consult when I check in at a hotel. Nothing fancy. Nothing to thrill or excite me or scent my clothes with jasmine. Just stuff that would help me to be more comfortable and productive on the road. I am astonished at how frequently hotels with in-house martini mavens fall down on these humble hospitalities.

Joe for Joe
Why doesn’t every hotel, resort, and motel room in the civilized world have an in-room coffeemaker? I mean, what do those little four-cup jobs cost in bulk? Five bucks a unit? Add maybe another buck for a couple of in-room coffee mugs. If you charge $5 to allow a guest to brew a pot of joe—which is what deluxe hotels generally charge for those self-serve bags that include coffee, filter, creamer, and sugar—the whole investment probably goes into the black (no pun intended) by the third time a person makes a pot.

My Kingdom for a Hook
Do hotel general managers realize that a sizable proportion of us still travel with garment bags? Have you ever tried to hang your garment bag in the narrow closets in most hotel rooms? Ever had your garment bag break one of those flimsy hanger bars in those narrow closets? Why doesn’t every hotel room on the planet have at least one strong hook to accommodate a hanging garment bag?

And another thing: More and more hotels have taken to posting signs under their in-room fire sprinklers. The placards warn guests that the sprinklers are not to be used as hooks. If travelers are desperate enough to hang clothing from an in-room sprinkler, shouldn’t hotel general managers realize their rooms are lacking in the hook department? I’d venture to say that one busted in-room sprinkler causes more monetary damage to one guest room than the total cost of installing one good, strong hook in every room in the joint.

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