Hottie Copy

Memo to women: If you're going to get caught in a scandal, you better be attractive. That is, unless you want to be insulted repeatedly by the New York Post.

Take Brooke Hundley, the young woman who had an affair with ESPN's Steven Phillips and exposed all sorts of intimate details to his wife and allegedly stalked Phillips' family. According to the Post, she's "shlubby" (especially compared to Phillips' "beautiful, blond, green-eyed wife, Marni") and a "the tubby temptress." In yet another story, Hundley's described as the chubby, needy, crazy-eyed, always-the-bridesmaid-never-the-bride, way-beneath-your-league 22-year-old from your office." (Alright, we get it, she's kinda on the heavy side. Also, have you heard Heather Mills has one leg?)

The Post, of course, has a history of this sort of thing: Who can forget the paper's description of Monica Lewinsky as a portly pepper pot? (Certainly not Monica Lewinsky—or pepper pots the world over.) But it's a different story entirely if the woman at the center of the scandal is conventionally attractive.

Exhibit A: Liskula Cohen, the model who was trashed by the anonymous blog Skanks in NYC: The Post called her a "beautiful blond" and "lovely." When her tormentor was revealed to be an acquaintance named Rosemary Port, she was even flattered as "a brunette beauty."

What about ESPN's Erin Andrews, who was videotaped nude through a peephole in her hotel room door? The Post found her "sexy" and referred to her as a "a sideline siren" in the same article. She was also called "beautiful," and a "sexy sideline reporter." (What, they couldn't work "beautiful" into that one?) Speaking of Andrews, the Post's Phil Mushnick gets a little righteous today, denouncing ESPN's hypocrisy for promoting sexism on-air with gorgeous female reporters and using Victoria Secret models in the ESPy Awards yet denouncing inappropriate office behavior behind the scenes. An interesting point about a news organization's confusing mixed messages, for sure. Especially in light of the Post's use of a GQ photo of the leggy Andrews surrounded by admiring college football players to accompany Mushnick's piece.

Or CBS correspondent Lara Logan, who found herself at the center of an affair and baby drama last year, whom the Post called a "hottie," a "news babe," a "sexy CBS siren," a "war babe," and a "sexy CBS foreign-affairs correspondent." (The title tag in one nypost.com story succinctly called the Emmy and Gracie Award winning war correspondent "Sex Reporter Lara Logan." I think her actual title may be chief foreign affairs correspondent for CBS News, but that probably doesn't fit in a browser title.)

David Letterman's former assistant and mistress Stephanie Birkitt was described by the paper as "pretty," as Letterman's "pretty, much younger assistant," and a "sexy young assistant."

You see where this is going. Do we even need to sift through the descriptions of Elliot Spitzer's escort, Ashley Dupree?

Anyway, the takeaway here is if you find yourself in the middle of a scandal—whether by accident like Erin Andrews or by your own hand like Brooke Hundley—you better be hot. If not, you risk being the Post's next Portly Pepper Pot.