Suggested New Year's Resolutions, Vol. 1

Chuck Klosterman, Esquire columnist

I resolve to write an entire installment of "Chuck Klosterman's America," without using any first-person pronouns. This will be difficult for me; in my last column alone, I used the word "I" 67 times in two pages (not counting the times it appeared in quotations). This is simply inexcusable, even for a writer whose entire shtick is self-referentiality. I further resolve to accept that the working of my mind are not nearly as worthy or painstaking explication as I believe them to be, whatever Esquire editor in chief David Granger may think.

Ben Silverman, co-chairman of entertainment, NBC

I resolve to avoid shooting off my mouth in ways that will make me even more hated than I already am. Next time I am struck by how superior I am in every way to the imbeciles who populate the TV industry, I will keep those thoughts to myself, or maybe just send around an email to a few confidantes. At a minimum, if I happen to be talking to a reporter at the time, I will try to remember to say "This is off the record" before I start trashing longtime friends and colleagues.

Sherri Shepherd, panelist, The View

I resolve to read books in 2008. In making this resolution, I acknowledge that I have become a prime example of the know-nothingism Charles Pierce so elegantly skewered in "Greetings from Idiot America." Witness my blithe, unembarrassed assertion that it's perfectly okay not to know whether the Earth is round or flat, or whether civilization predated Christianity. The idea that someone with the knowledge base of a third-grader should be paid to express opinions on national television ought to be beyond the pale, even for a culture as ignorance-friendly as ours. So it's off to the library for me.

David Granger, editor in chief, Esquire

I resolve to find a replacement for "Chuck Klosterman's America."