Newsstand Nirvana

Welcome to the inaugural installment of Newsstand Nirvana, an occasional look at all that is absurd, outrageous or otherwise noteworthy in magazines -- or at least on their covers -- this month. Winners, come on down...

-LAMEST HARD SELL: October marked the last month of publication for both Business 2.0 and Stuff. Biz 2.0 carries a cover graphic that reads "Collector's Item: Our Final Issue!," while Stuff deems itself a "Collector's Edition." Sorry, but if no one wanted to buy your magazines when they were going concerns, they're not going to start now.

-OVERREACH, PT. 1: The Richard Prince spread in W's Art Issue says it was "curated by Dennis Freedman." In this context, "curated" means Freedman, the magazine's creative director, pointed to paparazzi photos of Britney, Lindsay, Angelina, etc., and said, "These ones."

-ANOREXIA, BROUGHT TO YOU BY JANN WENNER: Proof that 'Us Weekly' is even warping the minds of the stars it covers: the new issue's cover story on Trista Sutter's vow to lose her baby weight by New Year's. Says the 5'2", 116 lb. ex-reality TV personality, who gave birth three months ago, "I want to be able to go bathing-suit shopping for vacation and not feel disgusted." Honey, that's the sort of thing you want to tell your shrink, not Us's 1.9 million readers.

-THE SCIENCE OF THE BAIT-AND-SWITCH: Best Life's November issue advertises a story about "8 Foods World Leaders Eat (And You Should Too)." Except sometimes it doesn't: On some copies, that line is missing, replaced by "Airport Nightmares: 10 Stress-Free Solutions." A BL spokeswoman says the magazine tested both versions to "isolate the effectiveness" of the line.

Hey, maybe readers would respond better if the corresponding story actually had anything at all to do with world leaders and the food they eat? Instead, it's about how living like a Mongolian herdsman can make you the next Genghis Khan. Or something like that.

OVERREACH, PT. 2: Elle dubs Kate Bosworth a "Hollywood Icon." Katharine Hepburn...Greta Garbo...that chick from Blue Crush with the different-colored eyes...right.

-MOST SHAMELESS COVERLINE: Giant magazine's "Keyshia Cole: My Breasts Are Big."

-ACTUALLY, MAYBE I DON'T WANT TO KNOW: What kind of superhuman willpower would it take not to open up Missbehave after reading the coverline "Suck It! Make Sweet Love to a Vacuum"? I couldn't actually find the story, but I did find this listing in the TOC: "Zach Braff: Needs a Punch to the Face."

AND FINALLY: Has anything ever been less macho than GQ Style's cover on the "New Macho"?