The Snipes Sentence: Three Years and 65 Words

Chuck Norris can divide by zero. Chuck Norris can split the atom with his bare hands. But even Chuck Norris can't keep Wesley Snipes out of jail.

This is an acutal letter written to the judge who recently sentenced Snipes to three years for not paying taxes:

Chuck Norris admires and respects Wesley Snipes which is why he has used him in two of his Total gym infomercials. We, in the martial arts, say making mistakes is how you learn to go forward and be a better person.

The rest of the letters are well worth reading too. My favorite is the beginning of the letter from Judge Joe Brown:

First, as a public figure with a television program and a retired criminal court judge for the state of Tennessee, I wish to disclaim any intention to convey the impression that my current and prior professional status in anyway [sic] be thought submitted for the purpose of enhancing the impact of my advocacy of merciful consideration for the petition of leniency advanced by your defendant...

He might be advocating for leniency, but clearly Judge Joe Brown is simply incapable of delivering a short sentence.