Take the $800 Billion Bailout ... Please

While corporate executives and the foundering economy remain prime targets in late-night talk-show monologues, the federal bailout is starting to take some lumps, too.

"President Obama is getting very tough now. He has imposed a $500,000 salary cap for executives getting Federal bailout money. And listen to this -- not only that, on weekends, they can only play miniature golf. No more 18 holes."

--Jay Leno

"And it looks like more than 13,000 people were caught up in that Bernard Madoff Ponzi scheme. You know what a Ponzi scheme is? That's where you throw good money after bad or, as the government calls it, 'a stimulus package.' "

--Jay Leno

"The job market is no day at the beach either. ... Oh, yeah, today, the Border Patrol stopped a van of illegal aliens trying to sneak into Mexico. That's how bad it is."

--David Letterman

"Word out of the Senate tonight is that a deal has been reached on a $780 billion stimulus package. It's said to include a mixture of tax cuts, infrastructure spending, healthcare stipends, and ponies for everyone in America."

--Jimmy Kimmel