At Least This Headline Is Clear

Corporate communications executives, government bureaucrats, academics, and other professionals can sometimes talk in what seems to be a language other than English.

Obfuscation, jargon, and complexity for the sake of complexity are often the order of the day.

But some are trying to fight the good fight in the war of words.The Plain English Campaign, a British group "fighting for crystal-clear communication since 1979," cites the worst offenders of gobbledygook every year.

Here are some of the nine recipients of the Golden Bull awards for 2008:

"I will treat your Tax Return for all purposes as though you sent it in response to a notice from us which required you to deliver it to us by the day we received it."

-- Inland Revenue, the British tax agency

"Seasonal forecasts indicate how slowly-varying large-scale climate influences make particular seasonal conditions more likely than others. Random, unpredictablefactors ('chaos') also partly determine year-to-year variations, and these willsometimes override large-scale influences. Such uncertainties make a probabilistic
format, as used here, advisable for seasonal forecasts"

-- A weather forecast (no, really!) from the Met Office.

"Our collective success rests with our commitment to service excellence and ongoing process improvement. As such, there will be an increased focus in two pivotal areas, namely: Systems Infrastructure & Communications and Controls & Compliance. This new structure will positively impact the delivery of day-to-day functions for our students and professors thanks to the continuous improvement cycle that will be generated by the new structure. This cycle will inherently deliver an incessant flow of process and systems assessment, improvement, and communication with the related development, distribution, and implementation of necessary tools, education, and support. This will in turn maximize user comprehension and increase overall efficiency."

-- McGill University of Montreal explaining something or other.

The Plain English Campaign has also awarded President Bush "a Foot in Mouth Lifetime Achievement Award for his services to gobbledygook."

Here is a classic from 2001: "I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe --I believe what I believe is right."

Jeffrey Cane