Test Drive a Bailout Today!

Having your firm named after the three-headed, serpent-tailed watchdog at the gates of hell doesn't make it easy to adopt a touch-feely approach, but Cerberus Capital Management is trying anyway.

The private equity firm, which owns 80.1 percent of Chrysler, is making an unusual public relations push to persuade Washington to provide financial support to the troubled auto industry.

Among other steps, Chrysler has put up a video that evokes the black-and-white newsreels of the 1950's about the virtues of the American way, nuclear power, or brushing your teeth.

"U.S. automakers don't just produce cars and trucks, they build the financial foundations for millions of families, individuals, and companies in all 50 states," the video's narrator says.

The video contends that 4.5 million jobs are tied directly or indirectly to the auto industry, "equivalent to putting the entire populations of South Carolina, Kentucky and Lousiana out of work."

Those three states, of course, are red states. And the main opposition to auto assistance in Congress is coming from Republican lawmakers. Mere coincidence?

Chrysler tries to make the case that a bailout is not just saving jobs, but about protecting tax revenues and pension and health benefits and other positives. The video even cites a playground that the auto industry made possible.

Once you've wiped away the tear forming in the corner of your eye, the realization quickly dawns that assistance for Chrysler would mean assistance for private equity, which was already out of public favor in good times.

To make aid seem more palatable, Chrysler's chief executive, Robert Nardelli, declared on Thursday that Cerberus would give up its rights to any profit on a sale of Chrysler, if the company gets federal help.

Cerberus' founder, Stephen Feinberg, "has basically gone on record saying he would forfeit'' profit from a sale under a bailout, Nardelli said at a conference in Palm Desert, California, Bloomberg News reported.

To sell an auto bailout, the video that needs to be seen is one of Feinberg acknowledging Detroit's mistakes and showing that he and his partners are suffering, too.

Yes, we know that the auto industry is important to the economy. And yes, we know it is troubled. But who will take responsibility for its troubles?

A grilling of Feinberg by angry lawmakers on Capitol Hill might generate enough sympathy to get Detroit some assistance. It would certainly be as helpful as the video primer explaining why the auto industry is so important while skimming over why it has come to be so vulnerable.