Alphabet Soup for the Soul (of Panicky Bankers)

In relatively short order, the Federal Reserve and Treasury Department have marshaled an army of acronyms to battle first the mortgage meltdown, then a credit freeze, and now economic collapse generally.

It began last December with the Term Auction Facility (TAF), to fund depository institutions.

That was quickly followed by the more generic Term Securities Lending Facility (the awkward TSLF), to promote liquidity in Treasury and other collateral markets.

Next, the tongue-tying Asset-Backed Commercial Paper Money Market Mutual Fund Liquidity Facility (helpfully, if confusingly, boiled down to AMLF for short), to help banks finance their purchases of high-quality asset-backed commercial paper.

Then the Commercial Paper Funding Facility (CPFF) to provide a liquidity backstop to U.S. issuers of commercial paper.

Today, comes the (take a deep breath) Money Market Investor Funding Facility (MMIFF), which the Fed says is designed to "support a private-sector initiative designed to provide liquidity to U.S. money market investors."

Where will it all end, this string of "-iffy" new programs? And when will the Fed get a sense of humor about its naming convention? To help, Portfolio.com offers a few suggestions for new programs below, and invites readers to pitch in with ideas of their own.

STIFF -- Stupid Traders' Immolation Funding Facility

SPLIFF -- Subsidizing Peabrained Losers' Idiotic Futures Failures

TIFF -- Taxpayers In For Fleecing

RIFF -- Righteous Indignation Fueling Fury

QUAFF -- Quiescent Underwriters' Abominably Fudged Figures

And for those feeding at the public's expense, there is TROFF -- Take Risks, Order Ferraris, Flee

by Mark Stein

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