A Friend for John Thain

Here at Portfolio.com, we've found someone--okay, something--for John Thain to spend time with if he's feeling a little down after all the bad news he's had to dish out at Merrill Lynch.

The Sun, where we get all the news that really matters, reports that a robot capable of having "human" emotions was unveiled in the U.K. yesterday.

The clinically named Childlike Heart Robot has a beating ticker, a "breathing" chest, and sensors that respond to movement, noise, and touch. Wall Street might think those qualities give him a slight advantage in the personality department over Thain, who was nicknamed iRobot during his tenure at the top of the New York Stock Exchange.

Now, keep in mind that this isn't one of those vacuum-cleaner robots or one that attaches doors to Nissan Muranos all day at some dingy car factory.

The Sun's little bundle of bolts becomes limp and relaxes if he's cuddled, and when he is yelled at (maybe about, uh, taking billions in write-downs while insisting Merrill shareholders are almost out of the woods) he gets upset. He flinches, his hands clench, and his breathing and heart rate speed up.

If the robot, created by scientists at Bristol's University of the West of England, can't teach the Merrill boss a little about showing emotions, maybe the little guy can run some code to value derivatives.

Dan Colarusso