Lost Amazon Tribe: Call Your Agent

Brazil's National Indian Foundation has released aerial photographs proving the existence of a small Amazonian tribe that had never before had contact with the outside world.

Little did you know that deep in the rainforests of Peru and Brazil, researchers believe there as many as 50 such indigenous tribes, who have never so much as watched an episode of Lost, played Guitar Hero, or overpaid for a bag of popcorn at the movies.

They don't even have Facebook profiles!

Yesterday's photos were shot in Brazil's northwestern Acre province, and show six thatched-roof huts and about 15 tribe members, most of them smeared in red pigment and some wielding bows and arrows.

Brazilian officials say that tribes like this one are being threatened by illegal logging in Peru.

I know what you're thinking. Why should loggers have all the fun?

Here are 7 ways that the American pop culture machine can exploit this pristine society for financial gain:

1. The Geico commercial "So easy, an indigenous tribesman could do it."


2. The reality TV show Real Housewives of the Amazon Basin? Warrior Wants a Wife? Tribal Idol? Get Mark Burnett on the case and the possibilities are endless.


3. The tell-all book Every major publishing house would scramble at the opportunity to publish the tearful and at times shocking memoir of a young jungle-dweller tragically raised without an X-box.


4. The Gap ad Remember "Everybody in Leather"? Everybody in Pigment!


5. The exclusive interview Dr. Phil, Anne Curry, Katie Couric, Barbara Walters, and Diane Sawyer would get in a savage brawl to conduct the first televised interview with a tribe member. Like the Britney Spears exclusive, but with less mascara.


6. Extreme Makeover: Hut Edition In a sweeps week special broadcast, Ty Pennington would unload a truck full of Kawasaki Sea-doos, Whirlpool appliances, and a year's supply of Purina Dog Chow in front of a crowd of terrified villagers who have never seen a man with hair that high.


7. The diet book If even one female native proves to be remotely svelte, that's marketing hook enough for Tribeswomen Don't Get Fat: How to Lose Weight and Keep It Off by Hunting Your Food With Sharp Sticks.

Welcome to the world. Please accept our apologies in advance.

by Liz Gunnison