FakeCarlIcahn.com

Wednesday, Feb. 6, 12:18pm

Jeff Bewkes is trying to make some changes over at Time Warner. He said this morning that he'll split off the dial-up business of AOL and unload some of its cable stake. It's a smart move, but it would be smarter if he went ahead and broke up the company into four separate businesses.

He's only a month into his new job, though, so I'm not ready to call him incompetent yet. At least he's doing more than that moron who had the job before him.

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Wednesday, Feb. 6, 11:36am

Biogen had a good quarter, and I'm happy with that, since BIIB shares are up this morning. But don't get me wrong, I still believe the people running the show over there are a bunch of morons. What kind of a CEO and board of directors couldn't find a buyer for that outfit? They gave up way too easily. What are we paying them for, anyway?

Just wait till my people get inside that boardroom. There will be so many interested buyers they won't even see what hit them. Just wait.

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Wednesday, Feb. 6, 9:31am

Sometimes, this job is just too easy. How come no one else has noticed that the railcar industry is so undervalued? I've been trying and trying to get someone over at Greenbrier to look at American Railcar Industries, but no one would take my calls. So I bought 10 percent of the company and its shares shot up 19 percent.

Now, they're calling me. Railcars, people! Hopper cars, tank cars, flat cars. So what if railcar orders are down, and so is rail freight traffic. If these two companies combine operations and lay off half the morons in their corporate offices, I'll make a mint. So can you.

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Wednesday, Feb. 6, 8:13am

And while I'm on the topic of Motorola, let me just say this: those moronic shareholders who voted down my board seat last time surely sold after Zander left, but I haven't gotten a single thank you note.

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Wednesday, Feb. 6, 8:05am

Let's face it, Ed Zander was a moron, and Motorola's a better place without him. I don't think anyone can argue with that at this point. How many times did I tell him to lose his handset business? For God's sake, it's run by a gaggle of morons.

Greg Brown is a man I can talk to. If he helps get my people on his board, I just might leave him alone. Maybe.

Did I ever tell you my theory about how morons like Zander end up in the corner office? Maybe I'll keep that one in my back pocket for a slow day.

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Wednesday, Feb. 6, 7:45pm

My wife likes to shop at JCPenney. Recession or not, that stock is cheap.

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Wednesday, Feb. 6, 7:16am

Test blog. Is this thing on? Who else is worried that the U.S. is about to lose its economic hegemony?