Why M.B.A.'s Make Such Bad Musicians

Wouldn't you love to be a fly on the wall when E.M.I. delivers Pete Doherty a bad performance review?

True to stereotype, now that Terra Firma has bought E.M.I., the private equity firm is bringing its new record label's gravy train to a halt.

Guy Hands, C.E.O. of Terra Firma, sent an internal memo to E.M.I. employees earlier this week suggesting that artists who weren't working hard enough may be dropped, and proposing that the company focus on quality over quantity when it comes to signing acts.

The record company, one of four major international labels, counts among its artists Robbie Williams, Kylie Minogue, Lily Allen, Coldplay, and yes—Pete Doherty's band, Babyshambles.

Whether going forward E.M.I. should reward executives for how many artists they sign versus how profitable the artists they sign turn out being is a fair question; possibly the talent scouting process can be refined in order to sign fewer duds onto the label.

But Hands is crazy if he thinks it's a good idea to crack the whip on the current stable of talent. Artists are notoriously touchy about having the bottom line interfere with the creative process, especially by an interloper and industry novice like Hands.

Terra Firma's ambitions for holding its talent to the same standards as it would staff members is misguided. Often what makes musicians successful (emotionality, extroversion, unevenness) also makes them bad employees. The last thing E.M.I. wants is to be seen by perspective artists as the money-grubbing, sweatshop label.

by Liz Gunnison