If Eliot Spitzer's initial statement begged for parsing, then his resignation statement absolutely demands it.

Spitzer: In the past few days I have begun to atone for my private failings with my wife, Silda, my children, and my entire family.

Translation: I understand sequencing. Without my wife's forgiveness, I won't ever get your forgiveness. Do you see who's standing beside me?

Spitzer: The remorse I feel will always be with me.

Translation: This is a permanent chapter in my personal biography. That chapter cannot be salvaged in itself. So, I must move to compartmentalize it.

Spitzer: Words cannot describe how grateful I am for the love and compassion they have shown me.

Translation: Words cannot describe how much power my wife now has in our relationship.

Spitzer: From those to whom much is given, much is expected.

Translation: From those who have made a career on the shortcomings others, much will be extracted when their own shortcomings are revealed.

Spitzer: I have been given much: the love of my family, the faith and trust of the people of New York, and the chance to lead this state.

Translation: And I still can't even explain to myself why I tossed it all away for two hours with "Kristen."

Spitzer: I am deeply sorry that I did not live up to what was expected of me.

Translation: I continue to admit only moral guilt, not legal guilt.

Spitzer: To every New Yorker, and to all those who believed in what I tried to stand for, I sincerely apologize.

Translation: Let the record show that when it came to apologizing, I did not use weasel words.

Spitzer: I look at my time as governor with a sense of what might have been, but I also know that as a public servant I, and the remarkable people with whom I worked, have accomplished a great deal. There is much more to be done, and I cannot allow my private failings to disrupt the people's work.

Translation: After a disastrous start, I was just figuring out how to be the Governor of New York. This would have made things impossible.

Spitzer: Over the course of my public life, I have insisted, I believe correctly, that people, regardless of their position or power, take responsibility for their conduct. I can and will ask no less of myself.

Translation: I may have been sanctimonious, but I know that I cannot have any future ambitions if I appear to be a hypocrite by avoiding accountability.

Translation: I'm hard as nails, and more ambitious than any Clinton. But given the ferocity of the reaction, my best option is to take the long view, and conclude this chapter as quickly and cleanly as possible. I've got to take the air out of the ball. Otherwise, the bastards won't stop until "Kristen" does an hour interview with all three networks.

Spitzer: At Lt. Gov. Paterson's request, the resignation will be effective Monday, March 17, a date that he believes will permit an orderly transition.

Translation: Patterson needs at least 100 hours to come up with a 100-day plan.

Spitzer: I go forward with the belief, as others have said, that as human beings, our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

Translation: I'll be back.

Spitzer: As I leave public life, I will first do what I need to do to help and heal myself and my family. Then I will try once again, outside of politics, to serve the common good and to move toward the ideals and solutions which I believe can build a future of hope and opportunity for us and for our children.

Translation: Five years from now, this will be ancient history. If I do the right things, I'm back in the game, tougher than ever.

Spitzer: I hope all of New York will join my prayers for my friend, David Paterson, as he embarks on his new mission...

Translation: I'm a positive, spiritual man, and I'm departing with grace. Did you notice that I have not whined even once?

Spitzer: ...and I thank the public once again for the privilege of service.

Translation: And I look forward to seeing you again, probably in the Spring of 2011.