Confessions of a TARP Wife
Anyone married to a banking big shot whose financial firm has received a taxpayer handout has had to embrace a new, more modest lifestyle to avoid public scorn. Here, according to a "TARP wife" writing in the
May issue of
Condé Nast Portfolio, are some of the little luxuries she's had to forgo in these troubled times.
Avoid Telltale Shopping Bags
Spring fashions? Forget it. "God forbid someone catches me out in something new," our TARP wife laments. "I don't want to be spotted climbing into a taxi, laden with Bergdorf Goodman shopping bags."
Bag the Botox
Fixing up one's face is as out of the question as filling out one's wardrobe. Dropping a few thousand for a Botox touchup could easily be misinterpreted as an abuse of the taxpayers' bailout.
Decline Catered Dinner Parties
Catered dinners are also on the verboten list. "Let me eat well" is tantamount to shouting "Let them eat cake" from the window of a pre-war Park Avenue co-op.
Downsize the Birthday Party
A fun family tradition—throwing her husband a birthday party with about 30 close pals—suddenly seems suspect, if only because of possible comparisons to Steve Schwarzman's
infamous 60th birthday blowout at the Seventh Regiment Armory on Park Avenue in Manhattan.
Give Up a Michelin Star or Two
Schwarzman's $3 million gift to himself forced our TARP wife to reconsider the usual venue for her husband's party. Better to avoid multiple-Michelin-starred restaurants like Per Se for a "less expensive, clubbier spot."
Tone Down the Decorating
Decorating is also off the agenda, for now. People still remember the
super-expensive wastebasket and other nonessential purchases made by TARP recipients.
Learn to Live Without Bonuses
It certainly was easy to grow accustomed to getting a few extra million dollars in bonus money each January during the fat years. But
public outrage at the idea of paying bonuses to executives whose banks avoided insolvency only by the good graces of American taxpayers has put an end to that, for now.
Don't Think About Junkets
Life for bankers' families has been made harder by what our TARP wife describes as the "tin-eared nitwits" in the financial community who failed to grasp how it would look for them to proceed with sales meetings and corporate retreats at fancy resorts while at the same time asking the government to keep them from collapsing into bankruptcy.
Dodge Paparazzi at the Ball
Donate Anonymously
Having cultural landmarks named for you has lost some of its allure now that tabloids feel free to draw unflattering comparisons between a donor's generosity and the federal aid used to keep his bank or insurance company from collapsing. Better to give anonymously.
Skip Opening Night at the Met
"Staying home and watching Law & Order reruns has become our new guilty pleasure," our TARP wife says. "It's a far cry from opening night at the Metropolitan Opera [left], but it's not bad."
Park the Private Jet
When one must leave town, on business or for pleasure, commercial airlines are de rigueur. No one wants to be hauled before a Congressional subcommittee to serve as a punching bag by a politician seeking to make a point about
taking a private jet to seek a public handout.
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