Urban Food Apocalypse
With trouble brewing in world markets over the most basic food staples—wheat prices are up 120 percent this year alone—we're reminded that the era of cheap food is officially over.
With this in mind, here are some modest proposals for a time in the not-too-distant future when food is scarce and both clever recycling and a sense of humor are absolutely required.
Text by Regina Joseph
New Water Supply for Green Salads
Spurred by the shortage of organic mangosteen mush, tears of hedge fund boom babies and Urbanbaby.com message-board posters will be collected at local drop-off centers, desalinated, and converted to water sources for microgreen gardens.
Photoillustration by Viktor Koen
I Can't Believe It's Not Cheddar
Donald Trump’s stem cells will be harvested for mass-market cheese production. His wife Melania Knauss’ stem cells will be harvested for string-cheese products; Trump’s children’s stem cells will go toward producing mini cheese balls.
Photoillustration by Viktor Koen
Retooled Chick-Magnet Cars
All S.U.V.’s will be commandeered and converted into luxury chicken coops, complete with headrest DVD players displaying videos of hens laying eggs in order to spur production. Industrial-strength hot air from Wall Street conference calls can be stored and used to heat hatchlings.
Photoillustration by Viktor Koen
Richard Meier Terrariums
A weak real estate market leaves hundreds of glass condo towers designed by stararchitects unsold and unpopulated. Eminent domain is enacted to convert these buildings into high-rise greenhouses. The floor-to-ceiling windows with their river views prove perfect for filling with soil and growing every variety of fruit and vegetable.
Photoillustration by Viktor Koen
Power Gyms
Finally, a way to put all that huffing and puffing to real use! Gyms will be converted into power stations attached to giant farms. Spinning classes will be scheduled 24 hours a day in order to convert the energy via turbines into light and heat. Carbon dioxide from yoga practitioners chanting “om” will help grow plants more efficiently.
Photoillustration by Viktor Koen
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Food Crisis
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