The sexual-harassment accusations against Herman Cain remain hazy, with the latest alleged victim’s graphic details and a sharp denial from the GOP presidential hopeful turning into a he-said, she-said battle. But what is clear is that harassment is not a new or uncommon behavior in the workplace.

Employees frequently put up with harassment without doing or saying anything. When they’ve had enough, as the woman who accused Cain says was the case, most people negotiate a settlement, go to court, or quit their job.

Pick any industry and you’ll likely find similar behavior. For example, in VitalSmarts’ study of the health care industry, we found that health care workers regularly experience demeaning, abusive, or authoritarian behavior. Surprising or not, more than 7 percent regularly experience sexually inappropriate behavior. And what do they do about it? Generally nothing—less than one in 10 clearly let the offending person know they don’t like it.

When employees don’t speak up about harassment issues, they have a negative impact on their organization. Offended workers are far less productive and 50 percent more likely to quit. Most assume it isn’t even possible to confront the problem—and that is the real problem.

Our research shows that those who are skilled at raising their concerns are able to stop the behavior dead in its tracks. In one study, 90 percent of grievances disappeared when people learned to confront inappropriate behavior at its first showing. And everyone wins when this happens—those who possess these skills are more productive, more satisfied with their work, and more committed to staying and contributing to their companies.

The problem with harassment is not only that it happens, it’s that most people who experience it say nothing about it to the offending party until it’s far too late. By that time, the behavior is often so egregious that it merits an enormous settlement or a lawsuit. But equally costly is the enormous loss of productivity and engagement from those involved.

Employees can reverse the commonly held belief that the only way to deal with harassment is to take it, settle or quit. Here are three tips from Crucial Conversations for effectively halting harassment in the workplace:

1. Adopt a “three strikes and you’re out” approach. On the first offense, speak up immediately and ask for the other person’s commitment to stop. Don’t be subtle—be direct. Make it private and make it polite. That’s strike one.
2. Don’t confront the same problem twice. The first time you confront it, you’re asking for a commitment to stop. If after making the commitment, the person continues with the harassment, you now have to confront the new problem—the person’s failure to keep the commitment. This is a bigger problem than the repeated behavior. Privately, politely, and immediately point out the failure. Ask why it happened and attempt to get a commitment to change. Let the person know that if they break this commitment you will lose confidence that talking with them is sufficient. Tell the person that you plan to explore other options for correcting this situation. This is strike two.
3. Know your options. If the bad behavior happens again, it’s time to escalate. You’ve tried to talk things out without success. Report the behavior to HR or use other channels to prosecute your rights. Be clear on HR, legal, and other policies you have working in your favor in case the behavior happens again. Strike three.

Most people think that those who handle crucial conversations well just have more courage or confidence—that's not necessarily true. They tend to have more confidence because they have more competence. They have developed scripts and skills for dealing with dicey situations. They know they have the ability to say things in a way that won't cause offense. Crucial Conversations (the topic and name of my new book) are about being 100 percent candid with people while also being 100 percent respectful. Most of us think we have to choose one or the other. Those who learn how to be both candid and respectful are those who can effectively speak up when facing a crucial conversation.