Memo

To: All Departments

From: Alan J. Pendleton

Re: Launch of New Razor

Date: October 1, 2007

It has been one week since our company aggressively launched its newest product in the category of Personal & Beauty Products—Shaving. While it is too soon to make a full assessment, I feel as though there are some early indicators as to how well things are going. And in that regard, I regret to say, they are not going well at all.

Our goal, from the beginning, was to make a splash, with “boldness and innovation” as our rallying cry. On the plus side, the Boldness and Innovation Retreat was a huge success. We learned to believe in ourselves as a company, we found out that Ron in accounting does a mean karaoke Axl Rose, and while this is still unconfirmed rumor, some people hooked up.

On the minus side, we probably didn’t adequately examine our decision to hit the market with a 17-blade razor. With hindsight being 20/20, I believe these to be some of our missteps:

1. Seventeen was, simply put, too many blades. If any of you have ever held one of our razors to your face, I think you’ll agree it’s a terrifying experience.
2. The razor did not need to offer access to the internet. Being the first “Web friendly” razor on the market sounded great but had no practical purpose and cost us millions in R&D.
3. Five pounds is too heavy for a razor. When you couple the weight with the danger of 17 blades and the fact that razors are used under wet, slippery conditions, it’s no wonder our sales came in well below projections.
4. Our projections were unreasonably high. Who came up with the number 200 million? Recent estimates put the U.S. population at 300 million. It’s beyond comprehension that no one flagged a projection that assumed two-thirds of the American public would buy this razor, especially when one takes into account that we didn’t market it to women.
5. Our effort to guerrilla-market by letting loose the Razor Boys in Times Square was not only irresponsible but also costly, both in legal fees and in damage to our image as a “thoughtful, family-minded company.” Did it not occur to anyone to run background checks on the youths to whom we gave 17-blade razors?

In conclusion, I think we can all agree that a memo is not an appropriate place to fire anyone, but we can also agree that this is an extreme circumstance. Therefore, if your name is Dale Phelps, Sheila Mulgren, or Robert McCutcheon, don’t come to work anymore.

Thank you,

Alan J. Pendleton

President, American Bathroom