Picking out a Valentine‚s Day present for your significant other is probably the No. 1 drain on workplace productivity in February, worse than porn and Facebook combined.

In the time it takes to troll the aisles at Tiffany & Co., you could be at your desk trading tungsten futures, shorting the rupee, or coming up with a new name for mortgage-backed securities that doesn’t use the word mortgage. Any way you slice it, the time you spend choosing that gift is valuable time you’ll never get back again—which is why you should make your assistant do it instead.

It’s a win-win solution. You’ll dispose of a heinous task, and your assistant will enjoy disposing of your money, especially since the shopping expedition will mean time spent away from you. But the strategy is not without its hazards. If your sweetheart somehow figures out that your assistant selected her gift, you may find yourself spending Valentine’s Day on your knees, groveling and begging for forgiveness. In that scenario, it’s unlikely that having your assistant grovel for you will be a viable option.

Jason F., a risk arbitrageur whose friends call him “Douche,” relates a cautionary tale. “My assistant spent weeks researching the perfect gift for my girlfriend and chose a Givenchy handbag that matched her eye color. But as soon as my girlfriend unwrapped it, she smelled a rat—so much thought had gone into it, she knew that I couldn’t have been involved.” Lesson learned: Before you dispatch your assistant on the shopping trip, instruct him or her to choose a gift as carelessly and randomly as you would. Does your special someone like vintage Bakelite jewelry? Treat her to a pasta machine. Does she have a passion for Italian opera? Surprise her with a boxed set of the TV series 24.

To throw your loved one even further off the scent, send your assistant to a place where you like to shop, the Sharper Image or the plasma-screen-TV department at Best Buy, for example. The resulting purchase won’t be something your sweetheart will enjoy, but at least she’ll be hoodwinked into thinking you picked it out. Hot tip: Nothing says “I love you” like the Xbox 360 Halo 3 Special Edition Console.

Warning: If your assistant offers to wrap the present, do everything in your power to prevent that from happening. The minute your better half catches a glimpse of wrapping paper, ribbon, or—God forbid—a bow, she’ll suspect the involvement of someone considerate, i.e., not you. Just toss the gift into a CVS bag and be done with it. Even taking the time to peel off the price tag could raise a red flag.

One last thing—it’s possible that even after you’ve taken all these precautions, your honey may still somehow deduce that you outsourced your Valentine’s Day gift-buying. If that happens, her reaction could range from mild amusement to dumping you on the spot. If it’s the latter, don’t despair, because there’s a silver lining: Next Valentine’s Day you won’t have anyone to buy a present for, and think how much time that’ll save.

See the Portfolio.com Valentine's Day Gift Guide for the best presents for him or her.