Ask men their opinions on holiday-themed ties—other than, maybe, your salesman cousin from Toledo—and the reactions will likely run from "they smack of the discount rack at Marshalls" to "they remind me of my salesman cousin from Toledo." Many would be aghast at the idea of wearing the festive stuff in the office.

Often it's the quality of the item in question that gives men pause. "Aren't they generally polyester?" asked a real estate broker from the Corcoran Group. A New York-based magazine editor inquired: "Are you talking about the kind that play music?" But this year, at least, it's even more the fear of appearing unserious while the country is in serious economic straits. As a vice president at Goldman Sachs recently told me, "Holiday ties are basically French for 'crucifixion' on Wall Street."

It's 2008 and bah humbugs fill the air. Goldman Sachs recently announced that its top executives would forgo bonuses, and the legal bastion of Cravath, Swaine & Moore sliced their monetary incentives by almost half, ominously noting that they could not yet tell whether there would be any extra money at all come 2009. Office holiday parties are going the way of the Dodo Bird—or more appropriately, the Concorde. Flat is the new up, black is the new black, and men who might have otherwise risked a ribbing in the name of holiday fun are going into hiding. As the old adage goes, when Rome is burning, you lower your hemlines. You don't bust out your Rudolph tie with its light-up nose-so-bright.

Besides the dreary times, there's also the issue of workplace hazing. We want our lawyers and money managers to be pit bulls on our behalves, so if they show up to a meeting in a Santa Claus tie, it's hard to have faith in their tenacity. But we're not the critics they really have to worry about—it's the other rabid dogs in the office. Says the same vice president from Goldman Sachs, "Let me put it this way: This guy wore a pistachio-colored linen shirt on a Friday last summer and people are still talking about it. I thought he was going to have to go home it was so bad."

Translate that to holiday ties and the lesson is simple: If you can't take the heat, get your neck out of the kitsch.

But if you absolutely must spread cheer, Nancy Berger—a lifestyle consultant whose company, Grace Group, tweaks the closets of everyone from media moguls looking to dominate the boardroom to others (though occasionally one and the same) hoping to lure women into their bedrooms—has some suggestions. "Choose holiday colors—reds, greens, blues—and if you have to go with a pattern, keep it tiny." Berger recommends Ferragamo and Hermés for their whimsical-yet-grown-up designs, but cautions: "It takes a certain guy to pull them off."

One man who feels he has the chops to pull off a holiday print is a bond trader we'll call Preppy McPreppington. In fact, McPreppington has even devised strict rules regarding his yuletide ties. "It's cool to wear them three days before the holiday and one day after," he proscribes. "Outside of that timeframe it's a little bit strange."

While he often sports the brands mentioned by Berger, McPreppington also admits a John Kerry-esque affinity for Vineyard Vines—despite the fact that the brand sometimes garners him unwanted attention.

"I get a ton of shit about what I wear," he says. "But I'd get shit no matter what." Then, by way of explanation and with no small degree of fondness, he laughs: "I work with pricks."

Perhaps this is the value of the holiday tie: In an otherwise tearstained economy, they are at least good for a cheap chuckle. Whether you're amused with yourself for sporting Christmas trees around your neck, or mercilessly lampooning your coworker for his hokeyness, mirth abounds. And, according to Shep Murray, C.E.O. and co-founder of Vineyard Vines, this is precisely the point. "We know how important it is to stay positive this holiday season," he says. "And if something as small as a tie can bring about a smile, then we've done our job."

Still not convinced? Well, there's always McPreppington's covertly joyful lead. "I have a good number of holiday ties," he says. "But I have even more holiday socks."