Getting Into a Comfort Zone Establishing one’s self-sufficiency is a critical lead-in to the second phase of courtship: creating comfort. But during this phase, Mystery argues that the traditional model of wining and dining prospects in order to win their patronage can actually have a negative impact: “If you’re at a bar, you don’t want to buy the girl a drink,” he says. “You want to get her to buy you a drink.” Piling on the swag either puts the psychological leverage in the prospects’ hands—or it gives them the unpleasant sense that you’re fattening them up for the kill.

At the very least, it should be a two-way street. “The more time, effort, and money someone spends on you, the more motivated the target is to get a return on that investment,” says Mystery. As that investment grows, Mystery advises gradually escalating contact. “Don’t just focus on closing the deal,” he says. “Everything should be a seamless flow of naturally executed milestones that lead to the endgame.”

This idea of getting a prospect to invest in you is one that Seidman agrees with. “A lot of salespeople are intimidated by prospects, because they’re the ones cutting the checks,” says Seidman. “But you’re definitely in a much better situation if you’re perceived as a valuable peer.”

Resistance is Futile The final stage of closing the deal involves responding to last-minute resistance from the target. “On the one hand, [last-minute resistance is] a gauge of how confident you are in your game; on the other, it’s an attempt not to seem ‘too easy,’” says Mystery.

But rather than resorting to bargaining with a prospect, Mystery believes that any sign of hesitation should prompt a preemptive freeze-out: “Hey, I can see you’re not ready for this—let’s stop here until you’re feeling more comfortable.” If the right groundwork has been laid, the result will be to generate anxiety in your target, and they’ll be more inclined to comply when you seek to push things forward again later. “It’s all about establishing the potential for lost opportunity,” says Seidman. “You have to force the prospect to measure whether they want to let [the opportunity] get away.”

While the strategies for succeeding in seduction and salesmanship are not exactly the same, the principles of the pickup can be useful to keep in mind as you approach a potential customer, particularly if your initial approach is not working. And as calculating as some of it may seem, Mystery insists it isn’t predatory. “At the end of the day, in courtship and in commerce, you’re trying to do the same thing: present a mutually beneficial vision of a reality together,” he says.